California, Bully Goes From F’s to A’s
By D.H. Coop
Some of you may have been victims of bullying in the old days on the school playground. The school bully may have picked you to demonstrate his or her power to the other students. Undoubtedly the advice from your father was to go back to school and hit the bully back— stand up to him and he’ll back down. That advice more times than not ended with your way home being blocked by the bully and his friends with another act of bullying.
Not too many years ago, it was believed that bullying was just part of growing up. More than likely your father’s advice did not work because the bully seldom picks on someone his age, size or weight. Bullying is the habitual harassing, intimidating, tormenting, oppressing and/or threatening of another person. It can be physically or emotionally harmful. Bullying has no social, financial or cultural boundaries and often leads to serious violent crimes. Today the bully problem has emerged as not only a national problem but also a worldwide problem. The old advice and attitudes are being replaced with a variety of social and educational programs.
Youth, educators, law enforcement and communities are working together to eradicate bullying. One such program, Difference Makers International (DMI), is making a difference. Founded in 1983 by Helice “The Spark” Bridges, Difference Makers International has impacted the lives of over 30 million people worldwide.
Helice’s vision was to find a way to raise self esteem, end bullying and make dreams come true for all children. A simple blue ribbon with “Who I Am Makes a Difference®” inscribed in gold lettering has been the catalyst for participants to show their appreciation, respect and love for one another.
In 1990 Helice Bridges received the prestigious San Diego County Human Relations Award. Forty-nine Oceanside High School students, who would be seniors in the fall of 1993, attended a two-day training camp. They were trained to look for the best in their classmates and encourage their dreams. Keysha Mosley, 1993 ASB President, wrote, “I never knew a simple blue ribbon, a smile and someone saying thank you, could do so much for a person, but it does. It helps us laugh, cry, cheer and most of all understand. We need to understand.” This innovative Blue Ribbon Community Building, a violence prevention and intervention community outreach program, won the 2005 Gandhi Nonviolence Award and the State of California Commendation from Lieutenant Governor Cruz M. Bustamante.
Youth teaching and being role models for youth is the foundation for Difference Makers International. Josh Reando is a Difference Maker Youth Ambassador whose life has been changed dramatically by this program.
Here is his story:
“Imagine being a straight-F student, the biggest bully in your school, and
living in a tent under a bridge with your drug-addicted mom. What kind of life do
you think you’d have? “Well, that was my life in April 2004. I was 14 years old. I got into trouble all the time for fighting and bullying. I tried to bring people down to my level because I never thought I could be as great as the kids around me. I never imagined anything good could happen for me, until my counselor, Mrs. Diaz, gave me a chance
to be in the Difference Makers Blue Ribbon Week student leadership training.”
“‘The Spark,’ a little, pint-sized woman with warmth in her heart and an unstoppable determination, spoke to us about her way of seeing things. She was founder of Difference Makers International and, after 25 years of research, had created a violence-prevention
and intervention program that could turn the world ‘right-side-up.’ She explained that a simple act of appreciation, respect and love could raise self-esteem, end bullying and make dreams come true for all children. What made this program different was that
students, not adults, would teach it. “When Helice ‘The Spark’ explained that kids like us were drowning in negativity because our society focuses on what’s wrong instead of what’s right, that sounded right on. She said adults shouted, ‘Thank God it’s Friday’ at the end of the week because they never felt appreciated, respected or loved. That made sense. Everybody was negative. I hardly heard anyone saying good things about each other.
“By accident, ‘The Spark’ discovered our negative world in 1980 while volunteering
as co-chair for the San Diego Hunger Project. After speaking to over 50,000 people about ending world hunger, she was shocked that the majority of people she spoke to were literally starving for recognition. Few people thought their lives mattered. Yet when people were appreciated, they automatically felt more confident, creative, productive and successful. When it was missing, the same people became depressed, angry and suicidal. She told us that when people were put down, they numbed out their pain with drugs and alcohol, lashed out with crime and violence, and even committed suicide.
“‘The Spark’ went on to say that verbal abuse does not discriminate between the rich and poor, young and old, black, white, yellow and red, Democrats, Republicans and Independents, Catholic, Protestants and Jews. I was surprised because I thought it was only poor people like me who thought they didn’t matter. Most of my life, I’ve been told that I was nothing and would never make anything of myself. I didn’t think that happened to rich people. “Next ‘The Spark’ showed us a little Blue Ribbon that said “Who I Am Makes
A Difference®.” She told us that with this blue ribbon, we could change a life in a minute or less.
Then she shared her“Who I Am Makes A Difference™” blue ribbon story published in Chicken Soup for the Soul that saved a 14-year-old boy from committing suicide. As soon as she finished the story, I felt my heart open. “‘The Spark’ called the blue ribbon a jump spark for the heart, because it only took one spark of appreciation to light up a heart, preventing people from turning to alcohol and drug abuse, child and spousal abuse, crime and violence, and even suicide. She said, ‘If this is so easy, why isn’t everyone doing it?’ Then she went on to tell us that it was because the majority of people were so verbally and emotionally abused over the years,they simply didn’t know how. But the blue ribbon provided a way that gave everyone permission to openly show their appreciation. And once they did, people found it surprisingly natural, special and fun.
“The eight-step Blue Ribbon Ceremony and Difference Makers Blue Ribbon Program were simple to learn. This one-minute process showed us how to build each other up and help make dreams come true. One hundred of us in this training would teach 50 of our classrooms
how to make a difference. That’s 1,250 students who would be wearing blue ribbons the next day; each would have two more ribbons to honor others. Every student, teacher and staff member was included—no one would be left out of receiving this acknowledgment. In
English class, every student was assigned to write their own blue-ribbon story about
the person they honored and the difference it made.
By the end of that week, we’d have an all-school assembly and tell our stories. So this was really cool! “That afternoon I began publicly apologizing to students and teachers I had harmed. I taught the blue ribbon curriculum the next day and did a great job. Instead of fighting, I began to talk to students about their dreams. I didn’t make fun of them or call them crazy like I used to. “I volunteered for after-school activities. My grades improved. Because of this program, one month later I received the San Diego City Schools Above and Beyond Award. This recognition and the blue ribbon program made me become more presentable and loveable to other people. All of a sudden, people wanted to reach out and help me. It was way different!
“I silently wished I could make a difference for other kids but didn’t know how until one year later, when Helice ‘The Spark’ tracked me down for an interview. I had moved so many times in the past year, it was impossible for her to find me—but she did! I told her that it hurt my heart to think about how much I had hurt people and that I never wanted to do that again. I told her that I had a dream to teach other kids how to have a better life. I was 15 years old by then, an A student with a fire to really make a difference for kids. She said she would give me that chance. So I was selected to be one of many students, teachers, principals and parents interviewed for the new seven-minute video documentary.
“On September 28, 2005, I was invited to hear Helice’s keynote speech at Sheraton Harbor Island Hotel in San Diego. Over 1,000 orthodontists and staff were in the audience. At one point during her speech, she showed the video documentary. I was blown away seeing myself on two huge screens. Then she introduced me and invited me up on stage to speak. Everyone in the audience jumped to their feet and gave me a standing ovation—just because they saw that a person like me could change. I spoke for a few minutes and then an orthodontist and her entire office staff in Encinitas leaped to their feet and said, ‘We want to give you the gift of free orthodontic work.’ Imagine me, Josh Reando, receiving all this love and support.
“Now I am part of the DMI Youth Ambassadors team, a talented, caring group of dream makers who want to make a difference just like me. We’ve been speaking alongside Helice in schools, organizations, and businesses throughout San Diego and making a big difference for thousands of children and adults. “DMI helps students make their dreams come true. I am now living with an amazing family, who love and support me. I’m also surrounded by DMI supporters and volunteers, who mentor and direct me to be the best I can be.
Our DMI Youth Ambassadors have taught programs alongside Helice at Washington Middle School in Vista and Temple Heights Elementary School in Oceanside. I just finished teaching students at Alta Vista Continuation School, and it was a dream come true. Principal Jamie Baumann has invited us to return to build a DMI Youth Ambassador team at her school. Other participating schools in Vista Unified School District in 2005/2006 are Madison Middle and Crestview Elementary.
“Imagine thousands of young people like me training in every school in our community. Imagine students making it possible for our entire San Diego population to be wearing “Who I Am Makes a Difference”® blue ribbons and feeling loved. Imagine the world of negativity and bullying erased by a blue-ribbon team of young people who helped ignite the human spirit, always reminding people that they are appreciated, respected and loved. Imagine that young people like us can create a Blue Ribbon San Diego—one school district at a time. To do this, we need your help. We want to meet you, look you in the eye, and honor you with a blue ribbon so that you will always know that who you are makes a difference and that dreams really do come true.”
Difference Makers International may be reached at (760) 753-0963, www.blueribbons.org or info@blueribbons.org. With community leaders, parents and youth working together, the next generation may be saying, “Remember back in the old days, when there was bullying?”
